Ways to Self-Soothe

Life can be so beautiful and rewarding, and at the same time stressful and full of pain. Whether you face mental health struggles like anxiety or depression, have experienced trauma, or want to find new ways to calm yourself down during stressful situations, self-soothing could greatly benefit you. Self-soothing is a deeply personal art that requires practice and willingness. It is deeply personal in that what works for one person to self-soothe might not work for you. It is an art in the sense that you may need to get creative with ways you practice self-soothing, trying to give yourself what you most need to regain calm in various situations. Like any new skill, learning self-soothing will take some time and practice. Try to make a commitment to stick with it until you start to experience the benefits, which you might notice in your heart, mind, and/or body. The goal of self-soothing is to do something that helps you slow down and reconnect with yourself in the present moment. 

Self-soothing can take on whatever form is most effective for you. Sometimes this might mean paying attention to the sensation of your breath and other times it might mean reading a passage from an inspirational book. We suggest you explore options for self-soothing within the categories of your five senses: hearing, sight, smell, taste, touch. Here are a few ideas to get you started. 

Hearing

• Listen to music you enjoy

• Go outside and notice as many nature sounds as you can (birds chirping, wind gusting, animals rustling)

• Have a conversation with someone and focus on their words and sound of their voice

• Listen to your kids playing or a baby babbling

Sight

• Walk along the lake or on a trail and notice everything in the environment

• Wake up early to see a sunset or look outside during sunset

• Buy flowers and put them in a vase on your desk or table 

• Light a candle and watch the flickering flame

• Look at photographs 

Smell

• Notice the smells of food being cooked at home or in a restaurant

• Get a cup of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate and take in the aroma

• Diffuse essential oils 

• Bake something and notice the scent as you open the oven

Taste

• Treat yourself to one of your favorite foods and savor each bite

• Chew a piece of gum or suck on a mint

• Have a small piece of chocolate

• Drink something cool or hot, noticing the temperature on your tongue

Touch

• Take a warm bath

• Wrap up in a cozy blanket

• Pet your dog, cat, or other furry friend

• Float or swim in a pool, noticing the feeling of the water around you

As you practice self-soothing, try to bring an awareness to any changes you notice in your body, any decrease or increase of emotions, and any shifts in how you are thinking about yourself or the situation at hand. This practice can be a powerful way to ground yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed out, and investing time in self-soothing is a great way to take care of yourself with gentleness and compassion.  

References

“A Therapist’s Journey: Learning the Art of Self-Soothing.” Retrieved from https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/June-2018/A-Therapist-s-Journey-Learning-the-Art-of-Self-So

“Self-Soothe.” Retrieved from https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/self-sooth.html

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Seasonal Affective Disorder, otherwise known as SAD, is a mood disorder that creeps up at certain times of the year, mainly in winter and fall. There are no exact causes of SAD, and symptoms can feel quite uncomfortable and discouraging. In some cases, SAD can be more than just a seasonal disorder, and it is never a bad idea to seek help from a mental health professional when symptoms cause significant distress. If you think you may be struggling with SAD, read on to learn more about this issue and potential next steps to help you feel like yourself again. 

Potential Causes of SAD

Although there are no exact known causes for SAD, scientists believe that less sunlight during the fall and winter lead to less production of serotonin in the brain (a mood regulating chemical). When mood is not properly regulated, feelings of depression may arise. Warning signs of SAD are very similar to symptoms of depression. Here is what to look for:

• Less energy

• Trouble concentrating

• Fatigue

• Increased desire to be alone

• Greater need for sleep

• Weight gain/weight loss

• Trouble sleeping

Natural Remedies

It is recommended to get outside as early as possible in the morning hours to expose yourself to natural sunlight, especially during times of the year when it gets dark earlier in the day. Along with natural light, light therapy is a great treatment for SAD. Experts say to use a full-spectrum bright light that shines indirectly into your eyes. A person should sit about two feet away from the light for 10-15 minutes per day. After a few uses, increase your session time to 30-45 minutes a day. 

Exercise may also help alleviate many of the uncomfortable symptoms of SAD. Just 30 minutes of cardio a day (brisk walk, jog, bike, etc.) can lead to a reduction in depression severity. It is always important to keep your body moving and your mind healthy. A benefit of taking a brisk walk around your neighborhood is that you can combine exercise with getting natural sunlight. 

Psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy, is a great way to help treat SAD. Therapy may be of assistance in managing stress, replacing negative thoughts and behaviors with positive ones, and addressing areas of your life that could use more attention and care. The main goal is to help get you feeling your best in all aspects of life. 

With the mind-body connection in mind, you can also try utilizing various relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, guided imagery, and music or art therapy. Find something you enjoy that assists in relaxation, and try your best to incorporate it into your daily routine. 

So, What Now?

Spend some time tuning into your symptoms, and notice what you are experiencing in your mind and body. Remember that you are never alone, and reaching out to loved ones is a great place to start getting support. If this post resonates with you and what you’re experiencing, we encourage you to work with your primary care provider or a mental health professional to find treatments that might be effective for you. 

References

Seasonal Depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/seasonal-affective-disorder#1

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Nine Natural Supplements and Treatments. Retrieved from https://fullscript.com/blog/seasonal-affective-disorder-supplements

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20364722

Validation

One of the most basic human experiences is the ability to feel and express emotions. Emotions communicate vital information to ourselves, the people around us, and they motivate us to act. When we are in-tune with our emotions and feel confident in being able to express them without judgment from others, we tend to develop a healthier relationship with our emotional side. We are able to communicate our feelings and receive support/comfort/acknowledgment from others. Unfortunately, some of us have received the message that our emotions are wrong, bad, too big, or crazy. In many families, the idea of “not showing emotion” is stressed, which can lead to confusion about whether or not emotions are OK. The downside of limiting emotional expression in ourselves and/or our children is that it becomes difficult to learn that emotions and emotional expressions are normal.  

When we receive the message that something is wrong with an emotion we are experiencing (whether from other people or our own internal thoughts), this is called invalidation. Invalidation from others makes us feel wrong for our emotions and related actions. Over time, receiving frequent invalidation can lead us to believe there is something wrong with the way we feel and move through the world, and we start to self-invalidate with thoughts like “I’m bad,” “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “I’m too emotional and crazy.” In many cases, people invalidate us without intending to cause us harm. Many people don’t know how to validate, don’t know how to respond to someone’s emotions, or are trying to help when they jump right into problem solving. Validation is essentially the acknowledgment and acceptance of one’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors as understandable. Through this skill, we can improve our conversations. By validating others, we create deeper connections and show them we understand. By validating ourselves, we develop a greater understanding of our emotional experience.

There are six levels or types of validation, as developed by Marsha Linehan, Ph.D.

Level 1: Being awake and present. 

This can include holding someone’s hand while they share about a painful experience, focusing in on the conversation at hand, keeping eye contact, and nodding your head to communicate you’re listening. 

Level 2: Accurate reflection.

Instead of parroting back everything the person just said, try to rephrase and summarize what they shared. This shows that you are listening and comprehending what they’re saying. An example of this level is: “So it sounds like you’re really upset because the meeting didn’t go very well.”

Level 3: Mindreading. 

The goal here is to guess what the person is feeling. Oftentimes, people outwardly express anger and frustration, but deep down they are feeling hurt. You can validate this emotion by saying, “It almost sounds like there’s some hurt there, too. Is that true?”

Level 4: Understanding behavior based on a person's history and biology.

Consider what the person has been through in the past, as it may contribute to how they are feeling now. For example, if someone successfully battled cancer and has an upcoming doctor’s visit, it makes sense they are likely quite anxious and fearful. 

Level 5: Normalizing an emotional response anyone would have.

Sometimes what we need to hear most is that our reaction to a situation is normal. This level is about saying, “Anyone in your position would do/say/feel the same way,” or, “Of course you’re disappointed.”

Level 6: Radical genuineness. 

If you’ve experienced something similar to the person, share that with them. This shows you understand on a deeper level. 

Aim to use a few of these levels of validation throughout your upcoming conversations. It might seem daunting to do levels 1-6 right away, so be patient with yourself and acknowledge that learning any new skill takes practice. The more you validate others, the more natural it will start to feel. As you practice, don’t forget that validating yourself is just as vital as offering validation to others. The simplest way to practice self-validation is to let yourself feel your emotions. Try not to stuff them down, even if they are painful or inconvenient. Give yourself a few minutes to reflect on what you’re feeling and name the emotion. Think about reasons why this emotion makes sense for you. Be gentle and kind to yourself and say, “It’s OK for me to feel this emotion.”

References

Hall, K. (2012). “Understanding Validation: A Way to Communicate Acceptance.” Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201204/understanding-validation-way-communicate-acceptance

Wiest, B. (2019). “The Life-Changing Magic of Validating Your Own Feelings.” Retrieved from https://humanparts.medium.com/the-life-changing-magic-of-validating-your-own-feelings-3e167b59d194