RAIN Meditation

Are you finding it challenging to accept the present moment? As we drift deeper into this new normal, it’s quite difficult to not get stuck in judgments about our situation, others, and even ourselves. When we feel frustrated, anxious, uncertain, and disappointed about the realities we face, it can be tempting to turn inward and criticize our emotional responses and reactions. Being hard on ourselves is a common manifestation of experiencing painful emotions, but often gets us stuck in negative feelings. What would it mean to experience a painful reality while giving yourself compassion and acceptance? Loving ourselves, especially when we are truly upset about internal and external factors, is a challenging task. To help us explore ideas of acceptance and self-compassion, we can turn to Tara Brach’s RAIN meditation. 

RAIN stands for:

Recognize what is going on 

Allow the experience to be there, just as it is

Investigate with curiosity

Nurture with loving kindness

What follows is a basic guide for practicing RAIN meditation. This will give you an understanding of what to consider within each letter. Additionally, you may want to watch the video at the end of this blog post, in which Tara Brach leads the listener through the RAIN meditation. 

R: Think about and imagine a situation that brings up painful emotions, thoughts, and sensations. This could be a difficult conversation, an unfair reality you face, or something that’s making you feel stuck. Bring your attention to what’s coming up for you. Try to take a curious stance on your emotions, body sensations, thoughts, urges, etc. Just notice and describe your experience. 

A: Without trying to avoid, suppress, or change your experience, experiment with ways to let it be. This might be possible with a mantra like “It is what it is.”

I: Investigate your experience with the purpose of digging deeper into the meaning that exists. Ask yourself questions like “What about this is most painful?” “Which emotions am I experiencing?” “Does this situation remind me of something from the past/bring up similar experiences?” “What sensations are arising in me?” and “What about this makes me feel most vulnerable?”

N: What message do you need to hear most right now? Amidst this challenging situation, you are doing your best. Visualize giving yourself a hug or comforting yourself with genuine care and compassion. Imagine love encompassing you. 

References

Practice the RAIN Meditation with Tara Brach (2019). Retrieved from https://www.mindful.org/investigate-anxiety-with-tara-brachs-rain-practice/

Coping with Financial Uncertainty

The unknown can be uncomfortable to face, especially when it has already caused so much discomfort. We are all dealing with these uncertain times in our own ways, while many of us may be experiencing similar outcomes. From the essential emergency workers working tirelessly day and night, to the people dealing with the stress of working from home, to the people who have lost their jobs, to the small business owners who are missing the community connection, and everyone in between, we see you. Each of us are dealing with some form of financial uncertainty, and we want you to know that we are here for you to offer support and guidance. This is a stressful time, so self-validate whatever you’re feeling, and know that you’re not alone. 

Financial Express (2020) came up with five helpful and mindful ways to deal with the financial uncertainty of this time:

Focus on You

It is crucial to increase self-awareness during this time. Although everything may feel uncertain, you have control over the way you react and take care of your mind and body. If we solely focus on the future, which can induce stress, we weaken our immune system. Use this time to focus on YOU in the present moment. It is a perfect time to start that daily journal, practice meditation, and move your body to get your blood flowing. The financial uncertainty may be out of your control, but the way you choose to take care of your wellbeing is in your own hands. 

Practice Acceptance

Acceptance may be challenging, but it is an important practice to incorporate into your life at the moment and for the future. You may be facing a lot of challenges that are difficult to navigate. These uncertain times are shifting the ways we do day-to-day tasks and it is necessary to accept the current affairs. It may be tempting to want to fix all problems, but for right now it is important to accept what is, and work with the present moment. 

Manage Spending

It may be tempting to do some online shopping, or purchase that one thing you've had your eyes on "forever." Now is not the time to do that :) It is not the best time to spend money on non-essentials. Instead, use this valuable time to create a new budget, plan long-term, create an emergency fund, and write out your current expenses. 

Limit Risk Taking

It is important to stick with what you know during these uncertain and uncomfortable times. It may seem tempting to make an investment, but it is important to take a step back and carefully examine any financial decisions that are going to be made. Stick with the basics, and take it one step at a time. 

Connect With Your Network

Don't forget to stay connected with your loved ones, as they can serve as a great support during these difficult and uncertain times. Social distancing does not need to equal relationship distancing, and it is important to keep those friendships alive in the present moment. Call or FaceTime a close friend, or even a friend you've been meaning to catch up with for a while. Many people are getting creative with video chat options to have conversations with multiple family members at once, virtual dinner parties, book clubs, etc. Self-isolation may be tempting, but try your best to keep in touch with your loved ones, as connection with others can help boost your mood.

Remember, this too shall pass...

If you are looking for more resources to help cope with financial uncertainty, check out this article that gives wise financial advice for this specific crisis: https://www.fool.com/the-ascent/banks/articles/coronavirus-finances-how-to-react/

Resources

“5 Ways to Deal With Your Financial Stress During Coronavirus Pandemic.” Retrieved from https://www.financialexpress.com/money/5-ways-to-deal-with-your-financial-stress-during-coronavirus-pandemic/1905812/

Validation

One of the most basic human experiences is the ability to feel and express emotions. Emotions communicate vital information to ourselves, the people around us, and they motivate us to act. When we are in-tune with our emotions and feel confident in being able to express them without judgment from others, we tend to develop a healthier relationship with our emotional side. We are able to communicate our feelings and receive support/comfort/acknowledgment from others. Unfortunately, some of us have received the message that our emotions are wrong, bad, too big, or crazy. In many families, the idea of “not showing emotion” is stressed, which can lead to confusion about whether or not emotions are OK. The downside of limiting emotional expression in ourselves and/or our children is that it becomes difficult to learn that emotions and emotional expressions are normal.  

When we receive the message that something is wrong with an emotion we are experiencing (whether from other people or our own internal thoughts), this is called invalidation. Invalidation from others makes us feel wrong for our emotions and related actions. Over time, receiving frequent invalidation can lead us to believe there is something wrong with the way we feel and move through the world, and we start to self-invalidate with thoughts like “I’m bad,” “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “I’m too emotional and crazy.” In many cases, people invalidate us without intending to cause us harm. Many people don’t know how to validate, don’t know how to respond to someone’s emotions, or are trying to help when they jump right into problem solving. Validation is essentially the acknowledgment and acceptance of one’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors as understandable. Through this skill, we can improve our conversations. By validating others, we create deeper connections and show them we understand. By validating ourselves, we develop a greater understanding of our emotional experience.

There are six levels or types of validation, as developed by Marsha Linehan, Ph.D.

Level 1: Being awake and present. 

This can include holding someone’s hand while they share about a painful experience, focusing in on the conversation at hand, keeping eye contact, and nodding your head to communicate you’re listening. 

Level 2: Accurate reflection.

Instead of parroting back everything the person just said, try to rephrase and summarize what they shared. This shows that you are listening and comprehending what they’re saying. An example of this level is: “So it sounds like you’re really upset because the meeting didn’t go very well.”

Level 3: Mindreading. 

The goal here is to guess what the person is feeling. Oftentimes, people outwardly express anger and frustration, but deep down they are feeling hurt. You can validate this emotion by saying, “It almost sounds like there’s some hurt there, too. Is that true?”

Level 4: Understanding behavior based on a person's history and biology.

Consider what the person has been through in the past, as it may contribute to how they are feeling now. For example, if someone successfully battled cancer and has an upcoming doctor’s visit, it makes sense they are likely quite anxious and fearful. 

Level 5: Normalizing an emotional response anyone would have.

Sometimes what we need to hear most is that our reaction to a situation is normal. This level is about saying, “Anyone in your position would do/say/feel the same way,” or, “Of course you’re disappointed.”

Level 6: Radical genuineness. 

If you’ve experienced something similar to the person, share that with them. This shows you understand on a deeper level. 

Aim to use a few of these levels of validation throughout your upcoming conversations. It might seem daunting to do levels 1-6 right away, so be patient with yourself and acknowledge that learning any new skill takes practice. The more you validate others, the more natural it will start to feel. As you practice, don’t forget that validating yourself is just as vital as offering validation to others. The simplest way to practice self-validation is to let yourself feel your emotions. Try not to stuff them down, even if they are painful or inconvenient. Give yourself a few minutes to reflect on what you’re feeling and name the emotion. Think about reasons why this emotion makes sense for you. Be gentle and kind to yourself and say, “It’s OK for me to feel this emotion.”

References

Hall, K. (2012). “Understanding Validation: A Way to Communicate Acceptance.” Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201204/understanding-validation-way-communicate-acceptance

Wiest, B. (2019). “The Life-Changing Magic of Validating Your Own Feelings.” Retrieved from https://humanparts.medium.com/the-life-changing-magic-of-validating-your-own-feelings-3e167b59d194