RAIN Meditation

Are you finding it challenging to accept the present moment? As we drift deeper into this new normal, it’s quite difficult to not get stuck in judgments about our situation, others, and even ourselves. When we feel frustrated, anxious, uncertain, and disappointed about the realities we face, it can be tempting to turn inward and criticize our emotional responses and reactions. Being hard on ourselves is a common manifestation of experiencing painful emotions, but often gets us stuck in negative feelings. What would it mean to experience a painful reality while giving yourself compassion and acceptance? Loving ourselves, especially when we are truly upset about internal and external factors, is a challenging task. To help us explore ideas of acceptance and self-compassion, we can turn to Tara Brach’s RAIN meditation. 

RAIN stands for:

Recognize what is going on 

Allow the experience to be there, just as it is

Investigate with curiosity

Nurture with loving kindness

What follows is a basic guide for practicing RAIN meditation. This will give you an understanding of what to consider within each letter. Additionally, you may want to watch the video at the end of this blog post, in which Tara Brach leads the listener through the RAIN meditation. 

R: Think about and imagine a situation that brings up painful emotions, thoughts, and sensations. This could be a difficult conversation, an unfair reality you face, or something that’s making you feel stuck. Bring your attention to what’s coming up for you. Try to take a curious stance on your emotions, body sensations, thoughts, urges, etc. Just notice and describe your experience. 

A: Without trying to avoid, suppress, or change your experience, experiment with ways to let it be. This might be possible with a mantra like “It is what it is.”

I: Investigate your experience with the purpose of digging deeper into the meaning that exists. Ask yourself questions like “What about this is most painful?” “Which emotions am I experiencing?” “Does this situation remind me of something from the past/bring up similar experiences?” “What sensations are arising in me?” and “What about this makes me feel most vulnerable?”

N: What message do you need to hear most right now? Amidst this challenging situation, you are doing your best. Visualize giving yourself a hug or comforting yourself with genuine care and compassion. Imagine love encompassing you. 

References

Practice the RAIN Meditation with Tara Brach (2019). Retrieved from https://www.mindful.org/investigate-anxiety-with-tara-brachs-rain-practice/

How to Quiet Your Inner Critic

We all have a voice inside our minds that speaks to us. For some of us, this voice is louder than for others. When the voice gets going, it often sounds pretty critical. “You shouldn’t have done it that way,” “How silly of you!” “There’s no way they’re going to text you back,” “I wish I was cooler/smarter/more attractive.” This judgmental voice isn’t helpful, but often feels impossible to ignore. Negative thoughts get in the way of our work, social, and personal lives, and we don’t need to give them power over us. Here are a few tips on quieting that inner critic:

1. Give the voice a name. Call it your “self-doubt narrator,” “Negative Nancy,” or “worry talk.” In this way, you can create some distance between you and the voice. 

2. Observe the thoughts and condense them into a few words or a sentence. If you keep getting stuck on, “I’m worthless and I can’t do this,” try putting the phrase to a tune like the ABC’s or Happy Birthday. Not only will this make you smile as you picture the self-judgments as song lyrics, you will have a new perspective on the words. 

3. Say the negative thoughts out loud. Hopefully this is an auditory reminder that these are just thoughts, not facts. 

4. Remember that thoughts always pass. Thoughts and critical statements often feel really big and painful, but if we can let them pass and fade away instead of clinging to them, they will eventually lose their power and sting. Each moment brings with it space for new thoughts and emotions. 

5. Focus on your breathing. Calm your central nervous system by bringing your attention to your breath. Notice the sensation as your breath moves in and out. If your body is overwhelmed or stressed out, your mind will be, too. Use this knowledge to quiet your mind by tending to your body. 

6. Boost positive emotions and do activities you enjoy. To counteract the negativity of your inner critic, do things that brighten your mood and make you feel good about yourself. This will strengthen your self-confidence so the negative voice gets drowned out or hopefully has a lesser impact on you. 

References

Ritchie, L. C. (2019). Feeling Insecure? 6 Tips to Quiet Your Inner Critic. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/09/26/764695490/feeling-insecure-6-tips-to-quiet-your-inner-critic. 

Creating Healthy Boundaries

Creating boundaries isn’t about shutting people out, being selfish, or setting rigid rules about communication with others. Instead, it is a way to effectively get your needs met. Setting healthy boundaries can lead to higher self-esteem, greater respect from others, and a sense of overall well-being. 

Learning how to set clear boundaries may require energy and practice, so set aside some time to reflect on areas of your life that need boundary-setting. Consider your boundaries in the following areas--are they too loose and flexible, or even too rigid?

• Physical and Personal Space

• Time and Energy

• Emotions and Vulnerability

• Culture and Beliefs

• Privacy

What are the important relationships in your life? Do unhealthy boundaries exist with a partner, loved ones, friends, co-workers, or even acquaintances? “Unhealthy” could mean you prefer to please people, struggle to say “NO,” find yourself trapped in conversations where you’re being “talked at” or criticized, overshare in social situations, feel uncomfortable in an unwanted embrace or from someone standing too close, etc.

If you can relate to any of these examples, here are a few ways to change your interactions and start getting what you need:

1. Really get to know yourself. Tap into your sense of what grounds you, your thoughts and emotions, and your inner-wisdom. This sense of self will become a barometer with which to interpret situations where your boundaries get crossed. 

2. Look for warning signs. Create distance from people who invade your space, push your limits, or ask too much of you. 

3. Be OK with changing your mind. Sometimes you may need to change direction or be upfront about your needs, and if you are clear about your request (maybe offer an alternative when cancelling plans with a loved one), proceed without guilt or shame. 

4. Be assertive. Communicate your feelings, thoughts, and needs to others without apologizing. When making a request or saying “No,” use confident body language and tone, connect with the person on the values or emotions behind the ask, and consider ways to negotiate. For tough interactions, plan ahead by playing out the conversation in your mind. 

5. Listen to your gut. Your body will likely give you signs that a boundary is about to be crossed. Your heart rate might increase, you may start sweating, or places like your jaw or stomach might feel tense. 

6. Prioritize self-care time. Whatever you choose to do as a form of relaxation, make sure you engage in it fully. If that means silencing your cell phone, not responding to work emails on the weekends, or letting someone know you need time before answering their question, do so! Having time to “tune out” is vital for your mental and physical well-being. 

References

Brenner, A. (2015). 7 Tips to Create Healthy Boundaries with Others. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201511/7-tips-create-healthy-boundaries-others

Chesak, J. (2018). The No BS Guide to Protecting Your Emotional Space. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries#affirming-boundaries

Selva, J. (2018). How to Set Healthy Boundaries. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/