Ride the Wave of Emotions

Picture yourself at the ocean. If you have a specific spot that comes to mind, visualize it in detail. Imagine yourself sitting on a towel or the sand, looking out at the vast ocean. Notice the waves as the come in toward you, crashing or gently lapping at the shore, and then receding back out into the sea of blue. In and out. Notice how each in and out wave is unique, sometimes very gentle and slow, other times more chaotic and powerful. Isn’t it amazing how each wave is different, yet there’s a calming rhythm to the ocean?

The image of ocean waves flowing and changing with each cycle can help us better understand our emotions. When we experience an emotion, whether that’s joy, anger, sadness, embarrassment, disappointment, anxiety, etc., it can often feel like it’s overcome us. Sometimes, more painful emotions feel like they will last forever. Through the skill of “Riding the Wave,” however, we learn that emotions only last for a few minutes and naturally change with time. If we can allow ourselves to observe the emotion without trying to fight it or change it, it will quickly dissipate like an ocean wave being pulled back out to sea. 

Instead of feeling overcome and powerless to your emotions, try this practice as a way to mindfully observe your emotional experience:

1. Bring awareness to the emotion. Take some time to name the emotion, noticing the nuance in your experience. For example, is it anger, or is it frustration, irritation, or even rage? Be gentle with yourself and try to take a non-judgmental stance toward the emotion. 

2. Connect with the thoughts, urges, and body sensations associated with the emotion. If you’re experiencing anxiety, do you notice racing, worried thoughts, urges to avoid the situation or person, sweaty palms, a racing heart, or an uneasy stomach? As you get good at recognizing the signs and sounds of your emotions, you can more quickly respond to them. 

3. Experience the emotion. Don’t try to stop the wave from coming toward you, don’t try to push away or avoid the emotion, and don’t try to control it. The goal here is to let yourself experience the waves flow in and out. 

4. Remind yourself that this feeling is temporary. Keep observing and taking a curious stance toward your emotion as it changes and starts to dissipate.

A quote by Jon Kabat-Zinn gives us a playful way of viewing the practice of Riding the Wave:

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”

References

Anderson, K. (2018). Riding the Wave of Emotions. Retrieved from

https://www.mindsoother.com/blog/riding-the-wave-of-emotions

Goldstein, E. (2009). Mondays Mindful Quote: Jon Kabat-Zinn. Retrieved from

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2009/07/mondays-mindful-quote-jon-kabat-zinn/

How to Quiet Your Inner Critic

We all have a voice inside our minds that speaks to us. For some of us, this voice is louder than for others. When the voice gets going, it often sounds pretty critical. “You shouldn’t have done it that way,” “How silly of you!” “There’s no way they’re going to text you back,” “I wish I was cooler/smarter/more attractive.” This judgmental voice isn’t helpful, but often feels impossible to ignore. Negative thoughts get in the way of our work, social, and personal lives, and we don’t need to give them power over us. Here are a few tips on quieting that inner critic:

1. Give the voice a name. Call it your “self-doubt narrator,” “Negative Nancy,” or “worry talk.” In this way, you can create some distance between you and the voice. 

2. Observe the thoughts and condense them into a few words or a sentence. If you keep getting stuck on, “I’m worthless and I can’t do this,” try putting the phrase to a tune like the ABC’s or Happy Birthday. Not only will this make you smile as you picture the self-judgments as song lyrics, you will have a new perspective on the words. 

3. Say the negative thoughts out loud. Hopefully this is an auditory reminder that these are just thoughts, not facts. 

4. Remember that thoughts always pass. Thoughts and critical statements often feel really big and painful, but if we can let them pass and fade away instead of clinging to them, they will eventually lose their power and sting. Each moment brings with it space for new thoughts and emotions. 

5. Focus on your breathing. Calm your central nervous system by bringing your attention to your breath. Notice the sensation as your breath moves in and out. If your body is overwhelmed or stressed out, your mind will be, too. Use this knowledge to quiet your mind by tending to your body. 

6. Boost positive emotions and do activities you enjoy. To counteract the negativity of your inner critic, do things that brighten your mood and make you feel good about yourself. This will strengthen your self-confidence so the negative voice gets drowned out or hopefully has a lesser impact on you. 

References

Ritchie, L. C. (2019). Feeling Insecure? 6 Tips to Quiet Your Inner Critic. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/09/26/764695490/feeling-insecure-6-tips-to-quiet-your-inner-critic.