Ride the Wave of Emotions

Picture yourself at the ocean. If you have a specific spot that comes to mind, visualize it in detail. Imagine yourself sitting on a towel or the sand, looking out at the vast ocean. Notice the waves as the come in toward you, crashing or gently lapping at the shore, and then receding back out into the sea of blue. In and out. Notice how each in and out wave is unique, sometimes very gentle and slow, other times more chaotic and powerful. Isn’t it amazing how each wave is different, yet there’s a calming rhythm to the ocean?

The image of ocean waves flowing and changing with each cycle can help us better understand our emotions. When we experience an emotion, whether that’s joy, anger, sadness, embarrassment, disappointment, anxiety, etc., it can often feel like it’s overcome us. Sometimes, more painful emotions feel like they will last forever. Through the skill of “Riding the Wave,” however, we learn that emotions only last for a few minutes and naturally change with time. If we can allow ourselves to observe the emotion without trying to fight it or change it, it will quickly dissipate like an ocean wave being pulled back out to sea. 

Instead of feeling overcome and powerless to your emotions, try this practice as a way to mindfully observe your emotional experience:

1. Bring awareness to the emotion. Take some time to name the emotion, noticing the nuance in your experience. For example, is it anger, or is it frustration, irritation, or even rage? Be gentle with yourself and try to take a non-judgmental stance toward the emotion. 

2. Connect with the thoughts, urges, and body sensations associated with the emotion. If you’re experiencing anxiety, do you notice racing, worried thoughts, urges to avoid the situation or person, sweaty palms, a racing heart, or an uneasy stomach? As you get good at recognizing the signs and sounds of your emotions, you can more quickly respond to them. 

3. Experience the emotion. Don’t try to stop the wave from coming toward you, don’t try to push away or avoid the emotion, and don’t try to control it. The goal here is to let yourself experience the waves flow in and out. 

4. Remind yourself that this feeling is temporary. Keep observing and taking a curious stance toward your emotion as it changes and starts to dissipate.

A quote by Jon Kabat-Zinn gives us a playful way of viewing the practice of Riding the Wave:

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”

References

Anderson, K. (2018). Riding the Wave of Emotions. Retrieved from

https://www.mindsoother.com/blog/riding-the-wave-of-emotions

Goldstein, E. (2009). Mondays Mindful Quote: Jon Kabat-Zinn. Retrieved from

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2009/07/mondays-mindful-quote-jon-kabat-zinn/

Meaningful New Year's Resolutions

Can you believe it’s 2020? I don’t know if you agree, but it really feels like the past few months flew by. With the new decade officially upon us, we are inundated with messages that tell us to make 2020 the best year yet. Gym memberships typically spike in January as people frantically try to adopt healthier habits and start the year on the “right foot”. Other facets of life seem to call our attention more fiercely during this time, as we try to embody the mentality of “New year, new you.” In many ways, the process of reflecting on the year past and imagining the year ahead can be centering and meaningful. In other ways, though, it can be easy to judge ourselves for the things we haven’t been doing, and the act of making resolutions can leave us feeling inadequate and disappointed. People often make resolutions that are extreme in nature, like “2020 is the year of NO SUGAR,” “I will exercise every day,” or, “This year, I will go to bed at 9PM every single night.” Hopefully you notice the extreme nature of these proclamations--while well-intentioned, these goals leave little to no room for flexibility, and achieving them seems quite daunting. 

So, how can you make resolutions that are doable and lead you to feel proud instead of inadequate? The magic lies in the way you go about setting your 2020 intentions. Here’s our suggestions on how to make meaningful New Year’s resolutions that will add positivity to your year:

1. Start by setting aside some time to reflect or meditate on 2019. What were some things that went really well for you? Any pleasant surprises or meaningful experiences you had? What habits or behaviors would you like to focus on changing this year? 

2. Strive for balance in your resolutions. Instead of putting demands on yourself to go to the gym every morning, find a doable, realistic goal. Maybe you start by taking a brisk walk around your neighborhood two times a week, or schedule gym time when you have free time. In order to achieve a balanced goal, really picture how to incorporate this change into your existing life. Play out in your head what the first small step might look like, and how you will feel. Remember you’re not going for a lifestyle overhaul, just a small change that easily fits into your existing routine.  

3. During your reflection on what you want to work on in 2020, many ideas might arise. Instead of getting overwhelmed by everything you want to do differently, focus on one behavior at a time. This way you can invest the time and energy into making this change a reality, and then slowly can incorporate another change. Be intentional about working on one thing at a time. 

4. Voice your resolution with friends, family, coworkers, and loved ones. By saying aloud what you’re working on, you create accountability and take the intention from simply a thought to something out in the open. People who know about your goals will likely check-in and see how things are going. If you’re feeling stuck, they may be able to offer support and ideas on how to make the change you are seeking. 

5. Instead of striving for perfection (which is essentially unattainable), strive for progress. Even if you haven’t taken the first step toward behavior change, you are making progress in the sense that you’re thinking about behavior change, whereas in the past you didn’t even identify that you wanted to make a change. Reward yourself for small successes, and keep bringing mindful attention to your goal. Changing behavior takes time, but the rewarding feeling that comes with working toward bettering ourselves is so worth it!

References

American Psychological Association. “Making Your New Year’s Resolutions Stick.” Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/resolution

Dimitrijevic, I. “50 New Year’s Resolution Ideas And How to Achieve Each of Them.” Retrieved from https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/50-new-years-resolution-ideas-and-how-achieve-each-them.html

Miller, J. “How to Make (and Keep) a New Year’s Resolution.” Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/guides/smarterliving/resolution-ideas

Gift Ideas to Help Avoid the Holiday Shopping Frenzy

December is often a season of gift-giving, as many families celebrate holidays like Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the Winter Solstice, and New Year’s Eve. Most of us probably enjoy giving someone a gift they really love, or being gifted something that makes us smile, but do you ever feel uncomfortable about the frenzy associated with buying gifts during the holidays? Holiday shopping can turn into an expensive, competitive activity that sometimes feels more stressful than meaningful. There can also be a lot of disappointment that results from spending a lot of money on a gift that will go unused or unappreciated by the recipient. 

As with most things that make us feel stressed, we can slow down by bringing some mindfulness and awareness to our gift-giving practices, which will hopefully lead to us feeling more satisfied and intentional with the way we exchange gifts during the holidays. Here are a few ideas of ways to bring more joy into your holiday shopping and gift-giving traditions:

• Give an Experience. For people who don’t need more stuff (which is probably many of us), think about giving them an experience instead of a material object. This could be a cooking class, a gift card to a rock-climbing gym, tickets to a concert or the symphony, or even a membership to something like the MKE Film Festival. Not only will the person enjoy their new experience, they will think of you while doing it. For a budget-friendly route, make your own gift card for items you can provide, like a 30-minute back rub, a hike together at a local park, or a home cooked meal on a date of their choosing. 

• Go the DIY route. If you are a crafty person, by all means share your talents with loved ones by knitting them a hat, making them a piece of art, building them a side table, welding them a piece of jewelry, etc. Let your creativity run wild! For others who don’t identify as artists, don’t underestimate your cooking skills. Gifts like a fresh loaf of bread, a tin of cookies, or a jar of homemade jam or pickles will be greatly appreciated!

• Buy Practical Items. Ask the person what they may need. Is this person going off to college soon or moving into a new apartment in the spring? You could help them buy some of the necessities they would otherwise purchase on their own. A cool pair of socks or a cozy scarf will likely get utilized and appreciated. If the person spends a lot of time in the kitchen, see if they are in need of any cooking utensils or tools. 

• Donate to others in need. In place of gift exchanges, some families spend time together during the holidays doing volunteer work. While serving a meal to families in your community, you will give the gift of service and compassion. Maybe there are opportunities to volunteer an afternoon reading to children or the elderly in various hospitals or local organizations. You could also consider donating gifts to a church or agency who then gives them to families in challenging financial situations. 

However you decide to give gifts this season, be mindful of your purpose in doing so. Gift-giving is a way to show others we care and are thinking of them, and often we can convey this through small gestures. For many of us, simply being around friends and loved ones feels like a gift. Remember to stay grounded in the weeks ahead and try to avoid getting swept up in the holiday shopping frenzy. 

References

Acaroglu, L. (2017). 5 Ways to Disrupt Holiday Consumerism. Retrieved from https://medium.com/disruptive-design/5-ways-to-disrupt-holiday-consumerism-33fae672311f