Welcome to Therapy

Written by Dr. Joanna Love, Licensed Psychologist

What is therapy?

You’re reading this because you are seeking healing for yourself or someone you love, and you think therapy could be a source of that healing. Whether you have been thinking about therapy for a while or are just considering it for the first time, seeking information – reading this post – is an important step on your healing journey. 

However, as you may already have found, some of the language and ideas connected to therapy can be overwhelming and confusing. The goal of this post is to demystify the therapy experience, and equip you with some basic information to move forward.

There are many ways to experience healing. Why therapy?

It’s true: there are a range of things that can contribute to positive growth and healing in your life. 

For example, the mind and body are connected, so taking care of your body is one way to feel better inside and out. Physical movement is great for stress reduction. A healthy diet helps your body to function better. 

Spiritual approaches have helped people for millennia. You may find healing through faith, prayer, beauty, nature, and music.

Living a balanced life, caring for your mind, body, and spirit, and paying attention to your whole self can both heal and maintain health. However, it is very common to need additional support from outside yourself to achieve the full health you are seeking. Research has taught us that going to therapy can be a strong source of healing for most people.

What’s the difference between therapy and counseling?

Therapy, psychotherapy, and counseling are different words that generally mean the same thing. That said, there are many different types of therapy. 

A few examples:

  • Psychodynamic therapy uses techniques focused more on understanding emotions and gaining insight into yourself

  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) tends to focus on understanding thoughts and belief that affect feelings, and changing behaviors through action-oriented strategies

  • Other approaches focus on your context within a family or community, cultural influences, or existential concepts like identity and purpose

Your therapist may lean toward a specific school of thought, area of research, or focus. Therapists may also integrate multiple techniques and approaches in their work, depending on your specific needs. 

These differences can sometimes be explained by the type of training your therapist received. Your therapist may have a masters degree in counseling, clinical social work, or a doctoral degree in psychology. All therapists are licensed by the state to provide mental health services.

Why does therapy work?

Therapy is more than a list of strategies and helpful recommendations. Therapy works because it is based in a relationship. Relationship is a powerful context for healing that can’t be found through something like a self-help book, or an individual practice like meditation. 

However, therapy is unlike any other relationship that you may experience, because it is at once intimate while also being transactional. It is intimate because your therapist keeps your true thoughts safe, and creates space that contains your deeper feelings. But it is transactional, because you pay a fee for a service that your therapist provides.

The unique attributes of the therapist + client relationship are why therapy is successful for many people. 

You’re not crazy, and you’re not alone.

There is nothing wrong with seeking help through therapy. In the same way someone may work with a personal trainer, physical therapist, or doctor to improve their physical health, seeking therapy is an investment in your personal wellness.

Many human experiences can feel crazy. Things like panic attacks or flashbacks to traumatic events might make you feel crazy; as if you’re going out of your mind or leaving your body. Unwanted thoughts that keep popping into your mind or behaviors you feel you can’t control might seem to make no sense. Some people feel sad or anxious for so long, it starts to feel as if it is part of who they are. 

Regardless of the nature of your struggle, there is good news: Our behaviors and feelings can be explained, and healing is possible. There is always hope for healing. Therapy can help.

How to Quiet Your Inner Critic

We all have a voice inside our minds that speaks to us. For some of us, this voice is louder than for others. When the voice gets going, it often sounds pretty critical. “You shouldn’t have done it that way,” “How silly of you!” “There’s no way they’re going to text you back,” “I wish I was cooler/smarter/more attractive.” This judgmental voice isn’t helpful, but often feels impossible to ignore. Negative thoughts get in the way of our work, social, and personal lives, and we don’t need to give them power over us. Here are a few tips on quieting that inner critic:

1. Give the voice a name. Call it your “self-doubt narrator,” “Negative Nancy,” or “worry talk.” In this way, you can create some distance between you and the voice. 

2. Observe the thoughts and condense them into a few words or a sentence. If you keep getting stuck on, “I’m worthless and I can’t do this,” try putting the phrase to a tune like the ABC’s or Happy Birthday. Not only will this make you smile as you picture the self-judgments as song lyrics, you will have a new perspective on the words. 

3. Say the negative thoughts out loud. Hopefully this is an auditory reminder that these are just thoughts, not facts. 

4. Remember that thoughts always pass. Thoughts and critical statements often feel really big and painful, but if we can let them pass and fade away instead of clinging to them, they will eventually lose their power and sting. Each moment brings with it space for new thoughts and emotions. 

5. Focus on your breathing. Calm your central nervous system by bringing your attention to your breath. Notice the sensation as your breath moves in and out. If your body is overwhelmed or stressed out, your mind will be, too. Use this knowledge to quiet your mind by tending to your body. 

6. Boost positive emotions and do activities you enjoy. To counteract the negativity of your inner critic, do things that brighten your mood and make you feel good about yourself. This will strengthen your self-confidence so the negative voice gets drowned out or hopefully has a lesser impact on you. 

References

Ritchie, L. C. (2019). Feeling Insecure? 6 Tips to Quiet Your Inner Critic. Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/09/26/764695490/feeling-insecure-6-tips-to-quiet-your-inner-critic

Morning and Evening Rituals

Do you ever notice how easy it is to get swept up in the busyness of the day? You wake up immediately thinking about the endless number of tasks on your to-do list and go to bed feeling exhausted but nowhere near getting everything accomplished? This sense of overwhelm can really take hold and negatively impact our mood, relationships with others, and general outlook on life. 

One way to feel less overwhelmed and swept up by the tasks of your day is by establishing morning and evening rituals. (If the word ritual is off-putting to you, consider these as routines or intentional actions.) Rituals are simple things you can do at the start and end of each day as a way to bring mindfulness and intention to your daily experience. 

Consider starting and ending your day with gratitude. When you wake up, think about or write down in a journal three things you are grateful for. In the evening, do the same and think or write about three things that brought you a sense of gratitude throughout the day.

Many people rely on a warm beverage to get the morning started. Whether this is coffee, tea, or hot water with lemon, make a practice of mindfully enjoying your drink. Sit down at the table and observe the warm mug in your palms. Smell the aroma as you take a sip. How does it feel as you swallow? Try to focus on just the present moment and bring your attention back if you notice your mind thinking about worries or tasks of the day. 

Most of us would not have productive days if we didn’t spend some time thinking about our priorities and goals. At the start of your day, write down one or two measurable, realistic goals. As you achieve them during the day, you will likely experience a sense of pride and accomplishment. 

One of the most important aspects of the evening is our bedtime routines. There is so much research that highlights the benefits of turning off screens an hour before sleep, and in general, you want to give your body and mind time to wind down at the end of the day. Think about any evening rituals you’d like to incorporate--maybe a mug of herbal tea, reading from a book, reconnecting with your family, or a mindfulness activity like gentle yoga, coloring or journaling. By having an evening ritual, you can set yourself up for a good night’s sleep and a meaningful next day. 

References

Ross, G. (2019). 7 Morning Rituals to Empower Your Day and Change Your Life. Retrieved from https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/7-morning-rituals-empower-your-day-change-your-life.html

Scudamore, B. (2017). 6 Morning Rituals That Will Make You Productive All Day. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/brianscudamore/2017/04/19/6-morning-rituals-that-will-make-you-productive-all-day/#6940efab1fab