Feeling our feelings during COVID-19

Joanna R. Love, PhD

For many people, social distancing means more time alone – and that means more time to experience strong feelings or unwanted thoughts.

Even during more typical times, it is quite normal for people to experience difficult feelings or upsetting thoughts in spaces of silence, stillness, or solitude. Now, as we all spend more time at home and away from others, many of us are spending much more time by ourselves than we did before the COVID-19 crisis. 

Life during the pandemic means some of us are less consumed by work or other responsibilities, and we may not have access to the same distractions that used to occupy our minds. Maybe we used to quiet or suppress unwanted thoughts with distractions such as busyness, social activities, stress naps, self-medicating behaviors, or substances. Perhaps without our awareness, these things helped us cope with or avoid hard thoughts and feelings. Now that they’re gone, we’re encountering some things we may not know how to explain or address.  

Besides the extra time and space in our minds, we are all also enduring an ongoing crisis! Your anxiety and stress response may be amplifying those already unpleasant thoughts and feelings. Crisis sort of “turns up the volume” on our normal stress responses. You may be finding that you have less mental and emotional energy to deal with stressors in your life. The “little things” might be hitting you harder than usual, and you may find yourself more easily frustrated, irritable, or tearful. 

In other words, more of us are “feeling our feelings” right now. And for some of us, it may be the first time we’ve really done so. Of course, most of us experience some unpleasant thoughts or feelings from time to time and in small doses. But perhaps now they seem to be popping up more frequently – maybe some of them are even constant. 

There is hope for change, even during this otherwise difficult time. One productive aspect of crisis is that it can be a catalyst for change or growth, if we let it. 

Suggestions for dealing with feeling your feelings – at home!

  • Try an at-home Exposure Therapy experiment – in this case, you’re facing the fear or discomfort of silence or solitude. Start with 5 minutes. Can you sit quietly with yourself for a few minutes without distractions? Just you. No TV, phone, music, podcasts. Here are a few tips:

    • Journal: What are the thoughts or feelings that come up in that space of stillness? If you don’t like writing, you can express the feelings that come up through art. 

    • Remember to breathe! Some people find it helpful to focus on taking deep, intentional breaths, and counting each one. This doesn’t work for everyone – some people get distracted by counting or thinking about their breaths. Either way, try to slow down your exhalation (breathing out), because this helps your body to calm down.

    • Can you slowly increase the amount of time you spend with yourself? If you can be with yourself for 5 minutes, can you try 8 minutes?

  • Think about the mind-body connection: what is something good you can do with and for your body? 

    • Physical movement is a great way to help release the stress that gets built up in your body. If you’re new to physical activity, start with a 30-minute walk!

    • Drink water and eat good foods

    • Try to keep a regular sleep routine and get 7-9 hours of sleep each night

    • Pet your animals

    • Get some sunshine

    • Organize your physical environment

  • Consider talking with a mental health counselor or therapist to process, manage, and make sense of thoughts, feelings, or memories that come up in silence and solitude, or during times of crisis. 

This is especially important for anyone who has been managing really heavy feelings (like depression, anxiety, or bad memories) for a while, and now you’re feeling like it’s just too much to handle.

  • Get help in an mental health emergency – if you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself, please call 911 or reach out for support.

      • COPE Hotline - 24-hour emotional support and crisis intervention from trained volunteers: 262-377-2673

      • Hopeline - 24/7 Counseling & Support Text LineText “HOPELINE” to 74174

It is normal – and even expected – that you may notice new thoughts and feelings during times of transition, crisis, or increased solitude. While this is likely not a cause for concern, it may be your mind’s way of pointing you toward areas where there is greater wellness to be achieved. For many people, therapy is an effective way to address inexplicable or unwanted thoughts and feelings.

If you’ve been thinking about giving therapy a try, but you haven’t been able to fit it into your schedule, now is a great time to try it out from the comfort of your own home! In response to the COVID-19 crisis, we are offering telehealth services by phone or video call.

Ways to Calm an Anxious Mind at Bedtime

Whether or not you’ve struggled with anxiety in the past, you are likely experiencing an increase in stress, frequent or difficult-to-control worries, feelings of restlessness, racing thoughts, a faster heartbeat, and possibly trouble sleeping. We are in the midst of an extremely uncertain, scary time, and even if you feel like you’re coping pretty well, anxiety is likely creeping in. We want to validate these feelings and experiences, because they make sense given the context we’re living in. In order to slow down racing thoughts and cope with our heightened anxiety, a first step is to take some deep breaths, and label the emotion. Notice what the anxiety feels like, and what it’s doing to your thoughts, daily routine, sleep, etc. Once we call it out for what it is, we can start addressing it. 

For many of us, anxiety stays with us throughout the day. Even when it’s time to sleep and rest, we have trouble “turning off” our minds. Is this something you’re dealing with? You desperately want to fall asleep, but anxious thoughts and worries keep you awake? If so, here are some ideas of ways to cope with anxiety at bedtime:

  • Imagine positive distractions. When we focus on the fact that we can’t fall asleep, it becomes even harder to fall asleep. Try to use your imagination to go to a peaceful or safe place in your mind. Maybe this is walking along the beach, going to a place in nature that’s meaningful to you, or picturing a memory of a happy time with loved ones. Try to imagine this scene in as much detail as possible. What do you see, hear, smell, feel, taste?

  • Allow worry thoughts. Sometimes, if we can label worries as “thoughts,” they lose some of their power. As your mind fixates on different phrases, images, or thoughts, mentally say to yourself “this is a worry thought.” Take an observational stance on what your mind is doing. Imagine putting each thought on a bird that is flying in the sky, or on a leaf that’s floating down a river. Watch the worries come and go. 

  • Ground yourself in the present. Anxiety loves to pull us into the future, causing us to imagine worst-case scenarios of what’s coming. One antidote is to do something that brings our attention to the present moment. This could mean practicing mindfulness of breath for a few minutes, planting our feet on the floor, repeating a positive mantra to ourselves, or doing a body scan to notice what we’re experiencing in our bodies. 

  • Practice gratitude. Another way to bring ourselves away from worry thoughts and boost our mood is by thinking about what we’re grateful for. What’s something you’re looking forward to? What was the best part of today? Is there a person who had a positive impact on you recently? Falling asleep becomes more pleasant when we are filled with a sense of gratitude. 

References

“What To Do When Worry Keeps You Awake.” Retrieved from https://www.mindful.org/what-to-do-when-worry-keeps-you-awake/