Ways to Self-Soothe

Life can be so beautiful and rewarding, and at the same time stressful and full of pain. Whether you face mental health struggles like anxiety or depression, have experienced trauma, or want to find new ways to calm yourself down during stressful situations, self-soothing could greatly benefit you. Self-soothing is a deeply personal art that requires practice and willingness. It is deeply personal in that what works for one person to self-soothe might not work for you. It is an art in the sense that you may need to get creative with ways you practice self-soothing, trying to give yourself what you most need to regain calm in various situations. Like any new skill, learning self-soothing will take some time and practice. Try to make a commitment to stick with it until you start to experience the benefits, which you might notice in your heart, mind, and/or body. The goal of self-soothing is to do something that helps you slow down and reconnect with yourself in the present moment. 

Self-soothing can take on whatever form is most effective for you. Sometimes this might mean paying attention to the sensation of your breath and other times it might mean reading a passage from an inspirational book. We suggest you explore options for self-soothing within the categories of your five senses: hearing, sight, smell, taste, touch. Here are a few ideas to get you started. 

Hearing

• Listen to music you enjoy

• Go outside and notice as many nature sounds as you can (birds chirping, wind gusting, animals rustling)

• Have a conversation with someone and focus on their words and sound of their voice

• Listen to your kids playing or a baby babbling

Sight

• Walk along the lake or on a trail and notice everything in the environment

• Wake up early to see a sunset or look outside during sunset

• Buy flowers and put them in a vase on your desk or table 

• Light a candle and watch the flickering flame

• Look at photographs 

Smell

• Notice the smells of food being cooked at home or in a restaurant

• Get a cup of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate and take in the aroma

• Diffuse essential oils 

• Bake something and notice the scent as you open the oven

Taste

• Treat yourself to one of your favorite foods and savor each bite

• Chew a piece of gum or suck on a mint

• Have a small piece of chocolate

• Drink something cool or hot, noticing the temperature on your tongue

Touch

• Take a warm bath

• Wrap up in a cozy blanket

• Pet your dog, cat, or other furry friend

• Float or swim in a pool, noticing the feeling of the water around you

As you practice self-soothing, try to bring an awareness to any changes you notice in your body, any decrease or increase of emotions, and any shifts in how you are thinking about yourself or the situation at hand. This practice can be a powerful way to ground yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed out, and investing time in self-soothing is a great way to take care of yourself with gentleness and compassion.  

References

“A Therapist’s Journey: Learning the Art of Self-Soothing.” Retrieved from https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/June-2018/A-Therapist-s-Journey-Learning-the-Art-of-Self-So

“Self-Soothe.” Retrieved from https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/self-sooth.html

The Art of Listening

Take a moment to answer this question: during conversations, do you enjoy being the speaker or the listener? For some of us, sharing stories and leading conversation feels natural and easy. For others, listening and observing is more comfortable. There’s also a chance you equally enjoy both roles and find yourself toggling between the two. Regardless of your preference, being a good listener will help strengthen and improve your relationships, conversations, and connections with others. 

If you realize you’re not the best listener, there’s hope! Listening is a skill that can be practiced and strengthened over time. The first step to improving your listening skills is to approach conversations with your full presence. Multi-tasking is typically not effective, so if a conversation needs your attention, try to set aside your to-do list, worries, or other tasks you’re doing. Quality listening requires you to tune into the person in front of you. 

Consider your typical mode during conversations. Do you listen to respond or listen to understand? If you’re listening to respond, you likely start to formulate your next statement in your head instead of truly hearing the words being spoken by the other person. While listening to respond, you may actually miss much of the content being shared. The goal, then, is to work on listening to understand. In this type of listening, let curiosity, empathy, and compassion lead the way. Listening to understand allows us to really hear the story being told, and shows the other person we care. This listening mode strengthens interpersonal relationships. 

There are a few things you can do while you practice deep listening. First, make sure you’re comfortable and offer the other person good eye contact. Next, show you’re engaged by validating the other person. This could include nodding along as they speak, summarizing their words to show you understand, or verbalizing the validity in their experience by saying, “That must be so disappointing,” “I can tell you’re excited about this!” “It makes sense you’re feeling upset,” or “Anybody juggling that many things would probably be in a similar spot.” By validating the other person, you show that their thoughts, feelings, and actions make sense. Finally, avoid making judgments of what the person has shared, or giving unsolicited advice. In many cases, what people need most is to be fully heard, not told what to do.   

As you continue through your day and week, bring some mindfulness and intentionality to your conversations. Try to catch yourself if you fall into habits like listening to respond, dominating the conversation, or jumping straight to problem solving when another person describes a challenge they face. With practice, it will become more natural to offer deep listening, the kind of listening that strengthens relationships and increases connection.

References

Raab, D. (2017). “Deep Listening in Personal Relationships.” Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201708/deep-listening-in-personal-relationships. 

Journal Prompts to Inspire Reflection

Have you been looking for new ideas of ways to slow down, practice mindfulness, or adopt self-care routines? The act of journaling can do all of these plus stretch your IQ, help you set and achieve goals, boost your ability to perceive and respond to your emotions, engage memory and increase concentration, spark creativity, strengthen self-confidence, and promote healing. If journaling is new to you or seems daunting, start with a short 10-15 minute session once a week. This act of slowing down for a few minutes to reflect will likely have positive effects on you, and eventually this practice could grow into a new self-care routine.

Sometimes when we sit down to write or reflect, it’s hard to know where to start. One form of journaling is to do a “free write” where you put down whatever thoughts come to mind. In this method, don’t try to control what you write--just let it flow organically from topic to topic. Sometimes the act of turning our thoughts into words on paper can feel cathartic. 

If you’d like more direction in deciding what to journal about, here are some prompts to consider:

• What would you say to your teenage self?

• Describe a recent pleasant experience. 

• What are 10 things/people that make you smile, and why?

• What does unconditional love look like?

• Reflect on things that bring tears to your eyes. 

• How do others see you? How do you see yourself?

• Think back on some of your mistakes and consider what you can learn from them. 

• What matters most to you, and why?

• What’s something you want to learn how to do, and what steps will you take to do it?

Whatever shape your journaling takes, observe what comes up. Notice any emotions or memories that may arise with gentle curiosity. Take pride in the fact you are prioritizing self-care by spending some time connecting with your mind through writing. 

References

Nguyen, T. (2017). 10 Surprising Benefits You’ll Get From Keeping a Journal. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/benefits-of-journaling-_b_6648884?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAANhILdvlB4W7JvpQBxfC61LvExUYTOzwKMdwqQPWOWLhK1I2BKpSKQS-oxSPHQLE6CQEJqeZ7E6wRfd5-E0Dxkdmft_s2yvSXdfxNCdV7I6W44PtVBXzEqm7krXBhhnrfZx7LMZFfTV7vQSxeWF7x_Q1Ogr0hB0VYTQH-VViYuxd
Tartakovsky, M. (2018). 30 Journaling Prompts for Self-Reflection and Self-Discovery. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/30-journaling-prompts-for-self-reflection-and-self-discovery/