Connecting With Loved Ones Virtually

Our need for connection is hardwired into us. Collaboration and cooperation was vital in helping early humans survive harsh environmental circumstances. While we may no longer need others to protect us from being eaten by a lion, we still crave interaction with others, as it keeps us mentally and emotionally healthy. Human connection allows us to grow and develop meaningful relationships. We are all probably feeling some of the disconnection that has occurred as we quarantine and practice social distancing, knowing that our typical way of being with others has changed. If you’re noticing feelings of loneliness setting in, be gentle with yourself. Consider trying out some of these creative suggestions for staying connected with others in a virtual format!

Book Club

Books give us so many opportunities to learn new things, reflect on important topics, and can spur lively discussion. Being part of a book club is a great way to have consistent contact with your loved ones, and talking about the book of the month gives a focus to your time together. Search online for book club question suggestions specific to the book you read, or use this list for inspiration: https://www.oprahmag.com/entertainment/a31047508/book-club-questions/

Virtual Dinner Parties

Choose a platform that works for you (zoom, FaceTime, Skype, etc.), pick a start time, and invite your loved ones to dinner! Some people may still be in their kitchen cooking, others might be sitting down to eat, but everyone will be connecting over food and conversation. 

Online Meditation and Mindfulness Practices

Sometimes it can be challenging to motivate ourselves to practice mindfulness and meditation on our own. We get busy with other tasks and it can feel challenging to set aside quiet time. By participating in a scheduled meditation, you might feel more connected and willing to prioritize this practice. The Christine Center in Willard, WI offers free online meditations Monday-Friday at 8:45am and 5:00pm: https://christinecenter.org/christine-center-online-daily-meditation/

Virtual Karaoke, Game Nights, and Playdates

Instead of thinking of all the things we can’t do in person right now, try shifting your mindset to ways in which we can still be social. Social events that typically happen at other people’s homes can be replicated through a virtual meetup. Try playing games like 20 questions, 2 Truths and a Lie, charades, and other interactive activities.

FaceTime Hang-outs:
+ cooking dinner together
+ take an online class together, YouTube or online studio (yoga, zumba, african dance workout, etc)
+ watch a movie/tv series together 
+ eat dinner together or meet-up for lunch
+ have coffee/tea date 

Outdoor Hang-outs:
+ meet up for a walk in the park/forest/trail
+ host a bonfire
+ parking lot meet up (stay in your warm car and chat with windows down)

When you notice yourself missing others or feeling lonely, try to schedule an opportunity to connect with loved ones, even if it’s through a phone or computer screen. 

References

https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/story/2020-03-19/coronavirus-tips-virtual-bookclub-game-night-dinner-party

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-nourishment/201612/why-we-need-each-other

Leaning Into Discomfort

We are all experiencing, collectively, a time of great change. We are dealing with the realities of living during a global pandemic, realizing we must find ways to cope with and accept a “new normal.” Our communities are simultaneously speaking out against injustice, bringing to life a movement demanding change. Both COVID-19 and community protests have impacts on us and bring up a range of emotions. It’s extremely valuable to dig into these emotions and experiences right now. Ignoring or avoiding your feelings might help you avoid discomfort in the short term, but will keep you from healing, processing, and growing during this challenging time. 

Suggestions for leaning into discomfort:

• Before we can do anything with an emotion, we must acknowledge it. Really take some time and space to figure out what you’re feeling. Where is it showing up in your body? Maybe your stomach is churning or you notice tension in your shoulders or jaw. Try to describe the discomfort in detail, and give a name to the emotions you’re experiencing. 

• Start to observe your thinking. Ask yourself questions and truly listen for your honest answers. “Why am I feeling uncomfortable?” “Am I afraid of something, and what is it?” “How am I impacted by seeing racial disparities, looting, violence, and peaceful protests?” “Am I seeing the situation in a polarized way--one side good and the other side bad?” “Do I feel defensive when others question my perspective or position of privilege?” “What action am I called to do, and is anything holding me back?”

• Seek out resources to educate yourself on ways to support others. Often we are uncomfortable with things we don’t understand. We can learn about ourselves and others through reading, watching videos, asking questions, and listening to the lived experiences of people around us. Sometimes, the task is to admit that we don’t fully understand, yet we will do our best to still support others. 

• Tune into your values. Our values can serve as a road map for how we show up each day to our own lives and for each other. Reflect on what’s most important to you. Maybe you value family and want to focus on strengthening relationships. This could include talking with loved ones about the current challenges we face as a society. Maybe contributing to your community is important, and you want to explore ways to do this. If you value speaking up and using your voice, maybe you focus on having conversations about this moment in time with people who hold different views from yourself. When our values drive our actions, we have more momentum to push through discomfort because we have a clear end goal. 

• Remember to take care of yourself. When we step into uncomfortable places, we often push ourselves to grow. However, we don’t want to push ourselves to the point of burnout. Therefore, we must always strive for a balance of going out to our growth edge, sitting with the discomfort, and coming back to ourselves through self care. Sometimes we need to allow ourselves a break to rest and rejuvenate. 

Social Media Usage

Social media has become one of the most convenient ways to connect with one another. Information is able to travel at lightning speed, giving us the ability to gather information and receive updates faster than ever before. From seeing a friend's newborn baby to learning a new recipe from a food blogger, you can pretty much see it all. Social media has an amazing ability to connect us with important people and helps us stay up-to-date with others even if they live far away. However, it also comes with some downsides. You’re probably no stranger to trying to navigate the tipping point at which spending time on social media feels “life giving” versus a habit where you start losing track of time and feel glued to your screen. 

When you wake up in the morning, do you check your social media right away? Do you take your phone into the bathroom and find yourself scrolling for periods of time? Are you ever guilty of obsessing over what to post or whether or not your post has reached a certain amount of activity? These behaviors might be linked to too much social media use, and can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and unhappiness in daily life (Forbes, 2018). 

Even if it’s not our intention while using social media, we often get stuck in a rut of social comparison. When we log onto social media, we are instantly connected with people's accomplishments and highlight reels, and when we compare, we are putting our happiness in a variable that is beyond our control (Healthista, 2018). Another reason you may be feeling dissatisfied is due to the lack of in-person connection. Behind a screen, you're missing out on that real, pure connection. The lack of seeing a person’s body language or hearing their tone of voice may take away the potential for a deeper connection, and can also lead to being misinterpreted or misunderstood. 

Ways to bring intentionality to social media usage:

1. Remove certain apps. If you find that some apps are taking up a lot of your time, it might be wise to separate yourself and consider if it’s really benefiting you.

2. Set a time limit. Many phones now give you the ability to set time limits on apps. Slowly starting to decrease your time might help you realize it wasn't bringing much benefit in the first place. Also, it’s important to create a buffer between phone usage and bedtime, as the blue light emitted from your phone can disrupt your body’s circadian rhythm and melatonin production, making it difficult to get quality, restful sleep. 

3. Put your phone out of reach. When you need to get something done such as homework or housework, try putting your phone in a drawer or face down where you know you won't be tempted to reach for it. 

4. Turn off notifications. Turn off the notifications in your phone’s settings for your social media apps so they aren't continuously popping up throughout the day and distracting you from being present to the task at hand.

5. Find a hobby you love. Putting your time and energy towards something new and exciting that you look forward to will assist in decreasing your social media use on its own! Instead of simply watching other people’s fun adventures and moments on social media, get active and make lasting memories of your own by living fully and participating in things that make you happy. 

6. Social Media Fast. You can always choose to go ahead and delete your social media apps for a few days and see how your daily life changes. It may be hard at first, but challenging yourself is important. You might be surprised by the joy it brings to “detox” from social media for a while :)

7. Spend time with your loved ones. Make more plans with the ones you love or simply focus on being present during the moments you have with people you care about. When you are tempted to go on social media to connect with others, consider making a phone call or video chat as a way to foster a more authentic connection.

References

“How much social media is too much?” Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/tomward/2018/06/08/how-much-social-media-is-too-much/#147eb2cd60e6

“Seven symptoms of too much social media use.” Retrieved from  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/artificial-maturity/201806/seven-symptoms-too-much-social-media-use

“Six reasons social media is making you unhappy.” Retrieved from https://www.healthista.com/reasons-social-media-making-you-unhappy/