You may already be familiar with Pema Chodron’s work. Her writing and teachings have inspired many to live a more grounded and spiritually-aware existence. Pema Chodron has written many influential books, including When Things Fall Apart, The Wisdom of No Escape, and Living Beautifully, to name a few.
One of her excerpts from Start Where You Are is titled: Be Grateful to Everyone. This slogan teaches us that when we reject or dislike other people, we are actually rejecting or disliking pieces of ourselves. If we are able to be grateful to everyone, in turn, we are able to be grateful to ourselves.
Pema writes, “If we were to make a list of people we don’t like--people we find obnoxious, threatening, or worthy of contempt--we would find out a lot about those aspects of ourselves that we can’t face. If we were to come up with one word about each of the troublemakers in our lives, we would find ourselves with a list of descriptions of our own rejected qualities, which we project onto the outside world” (p. 56).
Another way of understanding this idea is: “...other people trigger the karma that we haven’t worked out. They mirror us and give us the chance to befriend all of that ancient stuff that we carry around like a backpack full of granite boulders” (p. 56).
Sitting with the reality that we all have unfinished business and baggage we carry around is tough. Reflect on how this happens for you, without attaching any guilt or shame. Once you become aware, you can begin to change habits and patterns. Start by taking a curious stance and when you notice yourself becoming annoyed with someone, ask yourself, “what piece of this other person is actually a reflection of what needs attention in me?” Be patient and kind to yourself as you dig down to the issues coming up in yourself. Through this practice, you can start to embody the idea of being grateful to everyone.
References
Chodron, P. (1994). The Pema Chodron Collection. “Be Grateful to Everyone.” One Spirit:
Shambhala Publications, Inc.