Radical Acceptance

Take a moment to think about something in your life that didn’t go as planned. Maybe you advocated for yourself, but still received an outcome that felt unfair. Or you lost someone or something very important and are in the process of grieving. Often it feels like life’s throwing every possible challenge our way, and we become overwhelmed and exhausted. 

We all know that pain is an inevitable part of life, but we don’t have to accept the suffering that comes with it. It is commonly explained that pain + nonacceptance = suffering. To reduce or avoid suffering, we are asked to find acceptance of the situation, our emotions, and/or ourselves. Acceptance does not mean agreeing with what happened or shoving away the memories and emotions (because they will likely come back up anyway!). Instead, acceptance means sitting with the current moment and radically accepting “what is.” 

Radical acceptance is something you can practice over and over and over. Physically, it could look like sitting down to a meditation with your palms up toward the sky and a gentle smile on your face. Mind follows body, and this posture indicates an openness and acceptance of the here and now. Mentally, it could mean repeating a mantra or phrase like, “I cannot change this situation, it is what it is, and this feeling will pass with time.” Spiritually, it could mean feeling a sense of acceptance wash over you completely, and choosing to accept with your whole being. 

Just like mindfulness, new hobbies, and changing thought patterns, radical acceptance takes practice and is something we will need to return to frequently. When you notice yourself feeling stuck, stubborn, or upset about something that’s out of your control, gently remind yourself to practice radical acceptance. As highlighted by Tara Brach in this two-minute video, acceptance is an important first step to change:

References

Hall, K. (2012). Radical Acceptance. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance.

Rollin, J. (2017). The Importance of Practicing ‘Radical Acceptance.’ Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-importance-of-practicing-radical-acceptance_b_592da801e4b0a7b7b469cd99.

Creating Healthy Boundaries

Creating boundaries isn’t about shutting people out, being selfish, or setting rigid rules about communication with others. Instead, it is a way to effectively get your needs met. Setting healthy boundaries can lead to higher self-esteem, greater respect from others, and a sense of overall well-being. 

Learning how to set clear boundaries may require energy and practice, so set aside some time to reflect on areas of your life that need boundary-setting. Consider your boundaries in the following areas--are they too loose and flexible, or even too rigid?

• Physical and Personal Space

• Time and Energy

• Emotions and Vulnerability

• Culture and Beliefs

• Privacy

What are the important relationships in your life? Do unhealthy boundaries exist with a partner, loved ones, friends, co-workers, or even acquaintances? “Unhealthy” could mean you prefer to please people, struggle to say “NO,” find yourself trapped in conversations where you’re being “talked at” or criticized, overshare in social situations, feel uncomfortable in an unwanted embrace or from someone standing too close, etc.

If you can relate to any of these examples, here are a few ways to change your interactions and start getting what you need:

1. Really get to know yourself. Tap into your sense of what grounds you, your thoughts and emotions, and your inner-wisdom. This sense of self will become a barometer with which to interpret situations where your boundaries get crossed. 

2. Look for warning signs. Create distance from people who invade your space, push your limits, or ask too much of you. 

3. Be OK with changing your mind. Sometimes you may need to change direction or be upfront about your needs, and if you are clear about your request (maybe offer an alternative when cancelling plans with a loved one), proceed without guilt or shame. 

4. Be assertive. Communicate your feelings, thoughts, and needs to others without apologizing. When making a request or saying “No,” use confident body language and tone, connect with the person on the values or emotions behind the ask, and consider ways to negotiate. For tough interactions, plan ahead by playing out the conversation in your mind. 

5. Listen to your gut. Your body will likely give you signs that a boundary is about to be crossed. Your heart rate might increase, you may start sweating, or places like your jaw or stomach might feel tense. 

6. Prioritize self-care time. Whatever you choose to do as a form of relaxation, make sure you engage in it fully. If that means silencing your cell phone, not responding to work emails on the weekends, or letting someone know you need time before answering their question, do so! Having time to “tune out” is vital for your mental and physical well-being. 

References

Brenner, A. (2015). 7 Tips to Create Healthy Boundaries with Others. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201511/7-tips-create-healthy-boundaries-others

Chesak, J. (2018). The No BS Guide to Protecting Your Emotional Space. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries#affirming-boundaries

Selva, J. (2018). How to Set Healthy Boundaries. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

Gut/Brain Connection

Do you ever get “butterflies in your stomach” when you’re feeling anxious or excited about something? Can you think of times in your life when you’ve “trusted your gut” and benefitted from following this intuitive feeling? Our gut feelings behave like a second brain. What is really fascinating, is the science behind the gut-brain connection.

We all have something called the enteric nervous system (ENS) which is essentially two layers of millions of nerve cells that line our esophagus all the way down to our rectum. The ENS is responsible for controlling digestion, but research shows that it is also capable of communicating with our brain. When something is irritated in your GI system, the ENS will likely send a signal to your brain, resulting in a mood shift. A common manifestation of this link is seen in people with IBS or GI issues who also develop mental health challenges like anxiety and depression. 

Since our gut and brain are connected, treating one area could have positive impacts on the other. For example, people with IBS often benefit from taking anti-depressant medications and/or seeing a mental health counselor. Similarly, feeding your gut with good bacteria and healthy foods can have impacts on your mood. 

Making small additions to your diet can be a great way to start supporting a healthy gut and brain. Here are a few foods to consider:

• Fermented foods (yogurt, cheese, sauerkraut) are made up of healthy microbes that are great for your gut. 

• Omega-3 fats (oily fish, seaweed, chia seeds) provide good bacteria for the gut and reduce the risk of brain disorders. 

• High fiber foods (fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts) contain prebiotic fibers that reduce stress hormones.

• Foods high in polyphenol (dark chocolate, olive oil, coffee) may improve cognition and increase healthy bacteria in the gut. 

Check out this video if you’d like to learn more!

References

Johns Hopkins Medicine. The Brain-Gut Connection. Retrieved from https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-brain-gut-connection

Leonard, J. (2019). 10 ways to improve gut health. Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325293.php
Robertson, R. (2018). The Gut-Brain Connection: How it Works and the Role of Nutrition. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/gut-brain-connection#section4