Creating Healthy Boundaries

Creating boundaries isn’t about shutting people out, being selfish, or setting rigid rules about communication with others. Instead, it is a way to effectively get your needs met. Setting healthy boundaries can lead to higher self-esteem, greater respect from others, and a sense of overall well-being. 

Learning how to set clear boundaries may require energy and practice, so set aside some time to reflect on areas of your life that need boundary-setting. Consider your boundaries in the following areas--are they too loose and flexible, or even too rigid?

• Physical and Personal Space

• Time and Energy

• Emotions and Vulnerability

• Culture and Beliefs

• Privacy

What are the important relationships in your life? Do unhealthy boundaries exist with a partner, loved ones, friends, co-workers, or even acquaintances? “Unhealthy” could mean you prefer to please people, struggle to say “NO,” find yourself trapped in conversations where you’re being “talked at” or criticized, overshare in social situations, feel uncomfortable in an unwanted embrace or from someone standing too close, etc.

If you can relate to any of these examples, here are a few ways to change your interactions and start getting what you need:

1. Really get to know yourself. Tap into your sense of what grounds you, your thoughts and emotions, and your inner-wisdom. This sense of self will become a barometer with which to interpret situations where your boundaries get crossed. 

2. Look for warning signs. Create distance from people who invade your space, push your limits, or ask too much of you. 

3. Be OK with changing your mind. Sometimes you may need to change direction or be upfront about your needs, and if you are clear about your request (maybe offer an alternative when cancelling plans with a loved one), proceed without guilt or shame. 

4. Be assertive. Communicate your feelings, thoughts, and needs to others without apologizing. When making a request or saying “No,” use confident body language and tone, connect with the person on the values or emotions behind the ask, and consider ways to negotiate. For tough interactions, plan ahead by playing out the conversation in your mind. 

5. Listen to your gut. Your body will likely give you signs that a boundary is about to be crossed. Your heart rate might increase, you may start sweating, or places like your jaw or stomach might feel tense. 

6. Prioritize self-care time. Whatever you choose to do as a form of relaxation, make sure you engage in it fully. If that means silencing your cell phone, not responding to work emails on the weekends, or letting someone know you need time before answering their question, do so! Having time to “tune out” is vital for your mental and physical well-being. 

References

Brenner, A. (2015). 7 Tips to Create Healthy Boundaries with Others. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201511/7-tips-create-healthy-boundaries-others

Chesak, J. (2018). The No BS Guide to Protecting Your Emotional Space. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries#affirming-boundaries

Selva, J. (2018). How to Set Healthy Boundaries. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

Gut/Brain Connection

Do you ever get “butterflies in your stomach” when you’re feeling anxious or excited about something? Can you think of times in your life when you’ve “trusted your gut” and benefitted from following this intuitive feeling? Our gut feelings behave like a second brain. What is really fascinating, is the science behind the gut-brain connection.

We all have something called the enteric nervous system (ENS) which is essentially two layers of millions of nerve cells that line our esophagus all the way down to our rectum. The ENS is responsible for controlling digestion, but research shows that it is also capable of communicating with our brain. When something is irritated in your GI system, the ENS will likely send a signal to your brain, resulting in a mood shift. A common manifestation of this link is seen in people with IBS or GI issues who also develop mental health challenges like anxiety and depression. 

Since our gut and brain are connected, treating one area could have positive impacts on the other. For example, people with IBS often benefit from taking anti-depressant medications and/or seeing a mental health counselor. Similarly, feeding your gut with good bacteria and healthy foods can have impacts on your mood. 

Making small additions to your diet can be a great way to start supporting a healthy gut and brain. Here are a few foods to consider:

• Fermented foods (yogurt, cheese, sauerkraut) are made up of healthy microbes that are great for your gut. 

• Omega-3 fats (oily fish, seaweed, chia seeds) provide good bacteria for the gut and reduce the risk of brain disorders. 

• High fiber foods (fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts) contain prebiotic fibers that reduce stress hormones.

• Foods high in polyphenol (dark chocolate, olive oil, coffee) may improve cognition and increase healthy bacteria in the gut. 

Check out this video if you’d like to learn more!

References

Johns Hopkins Medicine. The Brain-Gut Connection. Retrieved from https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-brain-gut-connection

Leonard, J. (2019). 10 ways to improve gut health. Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325293.php
Robertson, R. (2018). The Gut-Brain Connection: How it Works and the Role of Nutrition. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/gut-brain-connection#section4

Tips for Having an Enjoyable Vacation

As many of us are embarking on weekend getaways and longer-term vacations, it is important that the time away from home is life-giving and not overly stressful. Yes, there are details that must be considered, logistics to sort out, and unforeseen challenges that complicate our plans, but by being intentional about the experience, we set ourselves up for a more enjoyable trip. 

Set Goals

As you’re preparing for the vacation, take some time to envision your goals for the excursion. Are you hoping to meet up with people who live in the area? Do you want to eat your meals out, cook them, or a combination? Think about how many activities you want to do each day--typically scheduling fewer planned events will leave you downtime to recharge and avoid feeling overwhelmed. 

Reduce Screen Time 

We often go on vacation as a way to get out of our routine lives, and spending too much time on our phones or social media can get in the way of being present to the vacation experience. Try not to give into the phone and instead get active, go exploring, read, journal, or play a game. 

Have No Plans

By overplanning, we may think we have the perfect itinerary. When things don’t go as smoothly as we’d hoped, or something unexpected happens, though, we can feel disappointed. Instead of feeling tied to plans, try to spontaneously experience each day, moment to moment. When you wake up, listen to your inner voice about what sounds most inspiring. Are you excited by a local market, museum, or activity? Maybe you want to stay inside and cozy up with a book. If trying new foods or restaurants speaks to you, wander around the neighborhood until you find a place that looks good. By having no specific plans, you can immerse yourself in the area you’re visiting and find hidden gems that weren’t originally on your itinerary. 

Be Thoughtful about Work

Sometimes it’s impossible to take a true vacation from work, so finding a balance of accomplishing your responsibilities and also prioritizing the vacation is important. Prior to the trip, set boundaries about communication with co-workers. Set a plan for yourself that includes how often you’ll check your email, how available you will be to troubleshoot, and which dates/times you’ll be unavailable. 

Consider a Staycation

We can experience the benefits of vacation in our own backyards! Think of embodying a vacation mindset and explore a nearby neighborhood, try a new restaurant, or participate in a cool event, all the while staying curious about the experience and present to the current moment. 

Be Mindful

Finally, one of the best things we can do for ourselves while on vacation is to practice being mindful. Here’s a brief video that gives us 3 tips for being mindful during vacation:

References

Forbes. How to take a stress-free vacation from your stressful job. Retrieved from  

https://www.forbes.com/pictures/efkk45iifj/how-to-take-a-stress-free-vacation-from-your-stressful-job-2/#7821a28446ed

Gelles, D. (2017). How to Be Mindful on Vacation. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/21/well/mind/how-to-be-mindful-on-vacation.html

Goldstein, E. (2018). Tips for Bringing Mindfulness to Your Next Vacation. Retrieved from 

https://www.mindful.org/tips-bringing-mindfulness-next-vacation/

Real Simple. (2019). Internalize These 5 Tips for a Stress-Free Family Vacation Every Time. Retrieved from https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/travel/travel-planning/stress-free-family-vacation-tips